they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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