can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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