dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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