dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
