I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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