Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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