; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
