It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
