Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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