There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
