sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
