Jerry, you need to find god
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm just crazy horny about you
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
