She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
