Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
