did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
