ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
