In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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