I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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