Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
