I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
