Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
