Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
