Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
