I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
