oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
please come you make the beer taste better
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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