I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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