are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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