I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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