John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
