Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
