update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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