Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
