I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
