How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
