Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
