i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
