I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
