...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
