chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
