Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
