I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
