I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Randomize
