i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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