I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Someone shit on the floor
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
