She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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