return my video game
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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