have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
