Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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