Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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