I saw his package. It spoke to me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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