yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
