i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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