also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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