Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
3 2 1 whiskey
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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