so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
