He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
