my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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